So it has been a few days and initially I was going to talk about acceptance but I'm going to keep that for another day. Today I want to talk about the importance of friendships.
We all have that best friend we hope to never, ever fight with yet we know it is going to happen some day. Today was that day.
There is zero need for background, only that I really felt something had to be said and I feel that it may have been too harsh and I really didn't use the right words. I'm a very outspoken person, not to mention direct, but sometimes forgetting that if you say something slightly different, it creates a different meaning.
I really thought she was going to hate me but I really felt like... the good and best friends are the ones that step up and take a risk in saying something that they even know might hurt the relationship or friendship. SO I took the risk.
It was of course heated for a while, I know she doesn't hate me but gosh I wish I could have found better words today. I'm not sure it would have made a difference, frankly I can't dwell on it. I made sure she knew that I would always be her friend and support her. But for those 20 minutes on the train on the way home from work today, my heart continually kept sinking. I reached the entrance to my apartment building and broke down when I heard the birds chirping. See last night we walked for nearly 2 hours and had this conversation that was something two best friends should have and all I could think about was how awesome that was and how sad I was that I hurt her because I took that risk.
I took 5 minutes outside and just cried and really hoped I hadn't royally screwed up our amazing friendship. You see I only fully opened up to her just months ago and she had been trying to break through to me for years but I was a closed shell. Over the past few months we have gone from "friends", to "best friend" to "family" in such a short time.
I have no doubt she is still peeved at me but for now, she is still talking so I'm going to take that as a good sign and go on.
One of my favorite quotes (and yes, I know its twisted), " A real friend knows that it is not a true friendship until you have had your first fight".
So my gorgeous, wonderful friend, who I know keeps tabs on this blog. I love you forever and I'm sorry I hurt your feelings.
XOXO,
S.
