It has been a while since my last post, I think simply because I am finding life more exciting than ever. I've decided to no longer be angry with the world or focus my unhappiness towards any thing else in life. I have a renewed sense of freedom in my life and I truly could not ask for more.

This section of the blog will be a personal one today. 

My husband and I were blessed with the best news we could ever receive at the end of 2011, as the future was looking grimm. We are expecting our first child! Now, sure we all get excited about babies, but what is most exciting is that we conquered my ever lingering infertility. That alone is a whole different story. In short, science was there to assist and provided us with a blessing we were keeping our hopes up for but also understood the reality. We are overcome with joy and excitement as we move forward into another chapter of our lives.

My most amazing husband and I are approaching our 5th wedding anniversary this year (2012) as well as our 11th year together. Here is what you might applaud at, we are high school sweethearts! I get the question a lot, how do you do it? Are you bored?  You know, for a little while there things were... 'things'. It wasn't until some real reality set in that I realized, 'things' needed to change. So in short, no we are not bored, we are fun and loving. How do we do it? Keep things 'fresh', as some may say, we find new things to do together. We are what society classifies as 'young', we are the under 30 professionals that own a home and a vehicle, who may or may not be responsible. Well let me tell you, we certainly have our immature moments and our irresponsible times, but THAT ladies and gents is how we do it.  We giggle at immature jokes, we go play mini golf, we still go to movies all while being dedicated professionals and mature 'adults' by 'paying our bills' and 'living in the real world'.  Common people, let's get something straight here, WE ALL live in the 'real world', just at different levels, take a step back and have a look!

You know what really gets me is when couples refer to 'freshening up the marriage', it almost always refers to sex! Why is that?!!! Let's discuss that! S E X! (Yes, my mother reads my blog, but she also understands that I am probably one of the most open and outspoken people she knows. I don't think anything surprises her anymore after 26 years). I can 100% vouch that when your relationship is happy and healthy with a little bit of heated discussion here and there, with an added touch of  freshness from including some fun activities (outside the bedroom), those activities in the bedroom will 'freshen' up on their own! So quit focusing on the fact your marriage is boring because the SEX is dull, your marriage is boring because you have let it become as such! Instead of sitting your ass on the couch every night after work to watch the same damn shows, make a plan to cook dinner together or go for a jog, hell go mini golfing! Even if you are 60 years old! Get on it people! Rediscover why you were so excited to marry your spouse! After 11 years together, I still look at my hubby and fall in love all over again! I still feel that 'magic'. Are you jealous?! Yes? GOOD! You should be! Take this and use it as motivation! Rediscover that feeling you once felt! I do it every morning I wake up now and I cannot wait to add a little one to our relationship to share the love.

One way to really ensure the 'freshen up the relationship' is effective, is to have an open line of communication between the two of you. My Mom has always told me, marry someone you love to talk to because communication is key (or something to that effect), let me tell you this cannot be more true! By 'talking' I don't just mean, 'how was your day, blah blah blah'. I mean EFFECTIVELY communicating. For example, we have a shared calendar in which we enter in anything that either of us may have going on, this way, we are effectively communicating our schedules. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Effectively communicating, means learning to express how your feeling without pointing blame to fighting fairly. I suggest looking up a few tads of info to help you out. Here is one I enjoyed: http://www.familydynamics.net/Communication.htm

Now combined with all this, let's touch a bit on one of the leading causes of stress in a relationship as well as one of those 'things' that cause relationships to come to an end... FINANCES. Ok, how many of you just had rapid heart palpitations. Why are earth are you FREAKING out? I know why, because here are a few things your thinking:
1. Ok, we track financially but ultimately have no idea what we are spending, we are nearly short every month on rent/mortgage and any time it is discussed it turns into a HUGE fight so we just avoid it.

2. Sure we have a budget, but we DO NOT follow it, it becomes frustrating and the fight ensues, so we just do what we need to survive.

3. OMG! We live pay cheque to pay cheque, what finances.

4. Finances? What are those? (Yes, because you simply do not discuss it and if your in this category, likely you have separate accounts anyways).

5. He/She handles it all, I have no idea how it works, I just bring in money.

6. We have so much debt, we are never going to get out.

Alright, 6 reasons is enough for why your heart may be going at a rapid pace at the moment. I don't candy coat so get used to this as I briefly touch base on finances. Now, I am in no way an expert of such nor do I have any accounting background, nor does my husband. I can tell you that we have experienced each and every one of these feelings during our married life. Where are we now, you ask, well, we still have our bit of debts but they are good debts. These good debts consistent of a mortgage, a car, a student loan. Investments in daily living.  We live by a budget (which is in no way easy at times), but this budget has allowed us to make investments, to save for our retirement, to save for vacations, holidays, home renovations and the like. Not to mention, we have been able to purchase big items for our little one by CASH! No one knows the word CASH any more. At first, I handled the finances and now hubby is handling them. Soon, with the baby arriving we will have shared responsibilities as to alleviate pressure on a single sole.  You are all thinking and how on earth does this work? Well with a mix of keeping our marriage 'fresh', and effectively communicating, we can hash out finances and get it figured in next to no time now, we are on the same page and do our best to understand where the others ideas may be coming from. It is not something that creates us large amounts of distress simply because we know that as a team, we are stronger together. Now, don't get me wrong, there are still the occasional tiffs as we work through this at times and if there are, we walk away from it and try again the next day (on scheduled time).

Your next question, "how bad could it have been if you do not fight about it"? Trust me, there were fights to be had, it was like sticking two strays in a cardboard box with the lid closed. Where was it getting us?! No where. We were in debt to a place we could not even look at our numbers. It was just putting us farther in. We finally realized we needed to devise a plan, TOGETHER. I mean really, it would take novels to express how we did it, what we did and how we didn't allow such topic to ruin our marriage BUT we won't get there. In all honesty, when things got really bad, we turned to Gail Vaz-Oxlade from the hit TV series, "Till Debt Do Us Part". I suggest you start there, I will leave the info from her to you to read. This truly was our savior and continues to be to date. Now we do use her budget system on her website but tweaked it to make it suit our lifestyle (for example, we now pay for Christmas gifts in CASH every year, the majority of our transactions are cash, we live off of cash as opposed to using plastic).  Check this out and save yourself the struggle! http://www.gailvazoxlade.com/

Are you seeing the difference already? Are you visualizing the life you could have? Are you finally seeing a smile emerge on your face? Most importantly, are you feeling the difference you could make in your life? If so, do not wait until tomorrow! Start now, tomorrow may be too late!

Lastly, I want to leave you with this random thought that has made a significant change in my life in the past few months (despite my growing abdomen):

"Life isn't about being happy with how much you weigh, but just being happy with yourself." - Sherman Klump- Nutty Professor

Our spouses get sick of hearing our complaints about our bodies, our constant criticisms and our sighs when we look in the mirror. Again, as my Mom always told me, "If you have time to whine about it, you have time to do something about it".  Exercise does wonders and so does eating well. I guarantee while your 'freshening up that marriage', your bound to look at yourself differently as well as be encouraged to want to exercise more and tone up that already gorgeous body. Kick yourself in gear people, be confident and smile. Life is too short.

With that I leave you today to improve your life more than you ever thought possible. Smile while your doing it, as a smile is contagious and you never know who is watching.

xoxo

A New Year, A New You

I am hoping each and every one of you was blessed with a most amazing holiday season!

I know for my husband and I, it was quite enjoyable. For once, we did not travel the country side to see the entire family! As much as I missed it, it made the holiday a little more enjoyable as opposed to spending 10+ hours in a vehicle.

I stumbled upon this website of 30 Things To Start Doing for Yourself, I thought it was THE perfect thing to share. It does not mean you have to do every single one, but I highly suggest you read it :)


http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/18/30-things-to-start-doing-for-yourself/

All the best to you in 2012!

A small tid bit for Christmas

A small tid bit of information you can ponder over the wonderful weekend.


Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy. - Guillaume Apollinaire

Tis The Season

We all embark on life with hopes to be perfect, to be the best we can be and ultimately lead a life we believe will make us happy.

During this season, we feel overwhelming emotional. Come on, don't deny it. Be it happy, sad, angry, content OR it could be all of the above. Christmas is one of those special holidays that brings forth something different from everyone.

For some of us, we are missing a loved one with whom we had a special tradition with. Perhaps there has been a new little one welcomed into the family tradition, perhaps it is an announcement of an upcoming arrival of a little bundle of joy. Maybe it is simply because we get to be around family.  Either way, there are so many ranges of emotions during this season, it is difficult to find a balance.

Something I suggest is keeping a journal. Should you feel overwhelmed, grab your pad of paper or in this day and age... an iPad, quickly scribble (pr type) what you are feeling at that moment and what made you feel that way. Good, now it is gone. Walk away for about an hour, think no more of it.

Return after about one hours time, or even the next day. Break down the feeling. What really made you feel that way, what is the underlying 'issue' or 'pleasantry' is. If this is sad or anger being displayed this can truly uncover ideals that you never previously thought about. If this is pleasantry, where you are happy and/or excited you may discover ways in life how to continually make yourself feel this way in any situation.

Certainly, above all things this Christmas, forgive those who have hurt you, love those who have stuck beside you, and hate no one as it is detrimental to all.  Jack Layton put it best when he wrote, "My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world."   I suggest we all take some extra time to think about this during the holiday season.

Wishing you all the very best the remainder of 2011 and even more in the New Year of 2012. Ring it in with love, happiness, laughter and many, many dreams.

As a post script, I would like to take a moment to thank all of my friends and family who have stood strongly by my side this year. Typically, I feel as I am the strong one and this year, I did not have that much in me, it was my turn to be weak. Without each and every one of them, I would not be in the happy spot I am. My husband has been absolutely outstanding, words could never describe. Their presence makes my world a happy one and I simply love that they are part of my world.  I definitely had sad days, but always remembered, I love life better when I am smiling. :)

After many months!

Well all my followers, it has been months! Over those months many things have transpired.

 As some or all of you know, I run a little photography business from home (tayjophotography.ca), and that has been consuming my life non-stop over the past while. My apologies for slacking on this blog.

Today I would really like to express the importance of happiness. I am not entirely sure how to portray this exactly, but I can tell you, when you find happiness, life is bliss. We have our moments of 'happy' but how do we make it continuous? How can it be a constant in our lives? How have I been doing it?

I speak from personal experience and remember, I am in no way a certified counselor, I am plain Jane and have been through a thing or two. So remember, these are things I just do, it doesn't mean it works for everyone.

One thing I decided, is to turf jealousy. How did I do that? I would take what I was being jealous about and wondered, how can I be happy for that person instead and really what is it I am jealous about.  Take that and work with it.

One of the big things people do not do is to stop and read into why they have the feelings they do. Why do you choose to be angry, upset, or what have you, instead of choosing happiness????

More at a later date :)

Unlimited - Jillian Michaels

I can tell you, I started reading Unlimited by Jillian Michaels. FANTASTIC! No other words, I encourage you to pick this book up today! It is all about why I started this blog. The way she explains it all is better than I ever could.

Check this link out !!!

http://www.jillianmichaels.com/welcome-to-unlimited.aspx

I have no title for today....

Again, a month since my last post. So much for every day postings.
I've been quite busy this past month with many things, especially my photography business.  Here is hoping I can find a balance to post more frequently over the summer.

Today I want to talk about support systems in your life.
A support system is comprised of perhaps your best friends, your family, maybe even your dog or cat. Most of all I find, the biggest support system of my life to be my husband. Not only is he my very best friend in the whole entire world, he is also my family and the love of my life.  He holds me when I need to cry and some how when I'm down he always manages to make me smile or laugh. I'm still not sure after our 10 year relationship and 4 years of marriage how he does it. The man is like a magician. Most of all, he is just "there".

What a lot of people who are "support systems" don't understand is that they don't always have to say anything. For some reason these people think they need to find something to say or counter your statements. Really, sometimes we just need someone to listen and hug us when we are done crying, venting, freaking or what have you.  If you are reading from a support system point of view, know that it is OK to say nothing at times.

I have the opinion that if you are someone who is headed to lean on your support system, you might also want to make it clear what exactly you are looking for at that point in time (advice, an ear to listen, a hug, a laugh, etc) this helps both yourself as well as your support system to get the most out of your interaction during that time. Of course, this is always easier said than done however, it is possible.

In addition, I believe you should tell your support systems as well as those around you, how much you love them, as well as how important they are to you. Perhaps how thankful you are to have them in your life. This makes you feel good by putting it out there and the people you are speaking to also know that they are appreciated.

That is my food for thought today.

I hope all the Canadians had a wonderful long weekend! Happy Canada Day!
To those Americans that follow this blog, enjoy your long weekend! Here is to Independence Day!

SmileyFace :)